Vent.....
As some of you already know I am a mother of a now 9 year old son with cerebral palsy!!! He is my little miracle baby born at 27 weeks weighing 1 pound and 6 ounces he almost didn't make it with only a 10% chance to survive but he fought, he fought so hard to be here!!! He is such an inspiration to me I just look at him and think WOW he is such a strong little boy! He has fought thru so much in his short life already from birth and he continues to fight everyday! H ... is cerebral palsy seems to be getting worse lately, the Botox treatments and casting aren't working like they used too, he is struggling more and more here lately and I know that i am supposed to be strong for him but the reality of his condition getting worse is really taking a toll on me right now:( I just sitting and think about it and i just hate this for him so much...I hate that I can't help him anymore than what I am. I hate that he has to struggle so much. I hate cp! I know I am supposed to be strong for him which I have been and I try to never let him see me stress out about this and I am always positive in front of him! But damn it when is it ok not be ok with this??? I am wrong for hating that my son has cp? I love my him more than anything in this world how is ok to hate his disability? I feel so much quilt for even writing this...But I want so much more for him I want him to be able to run and play like his brother and sister and what friends he does have! I want him to be able to walk without hurting every step of the way I want kids to except him and not make fun of him....He woke up this morning and I went to put his brace on him and he looks at me and says "mommy I don't want humiliated anymore" what do you say to that?? I continue to tell him that he is perfect the way he is and not to listen to others but I know that he struggles with believing it. I just wanted to hold him and cry so bad but I didn't I told him the usual your perfect and who cares what others say...but obviously he cares which in return makes me care... I just wish I could take his pain away. I want him to live a long happy life and not struggle anymore...I want to him to be truly happy!!! lavender or purple colored items to wear for the wedding